"Separate those who lap the water with their tongues like a dog from those who kneel down to drink." Judges 7:5. This is excellent advice for dinner parties. I’d actually make a further distinction between the other two groups and those who drink from cups, and next time I’d only invite the cup-drinkers.
"But now they mock me, men younger than I, whose fathers I would have disdained to put with my sheep dogs.” Job 30:1. Job knew that dogs are generally better at guarding sheep than younger men’s fathers, who want at least minimum wage, benefits and bonuses for scaring away wolves.
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"How could your servant, a mere dog, accomplish such a feat?" 2 Kings 8:13. Actually, dogs can be trained to accomplish amazing feats, such as fetching items and assisting those with disabilities, along with their natural talent for licking themselves inappropriately when guests are around.
“As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.” Proverbs 26:11. Dogs have a strange fascination with vomit, as they demonstrate by chewing copious amounts of grass then having multiple fits of emesis upon a just-cleaned carpet. As for the part about fools, please Google the phrase “Goldman Sachs.”
“Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own.” Proverbs 26:17. LBJ should have studied his Bible more closely.
“Anyone who is among the living has hope — even a live dog is better off than a dead lion!” Ecclesiastes 9:4. Perhaps so, though most wildebeests might opine that one dead lion is a good start.
“They all lack knowledge; they are all mute dogs, they cannot bark; they lie around and dream, they love to sleep.” Isaiah 56:10. Untrue! I know several dogs who have knowledge and who can bark, though at times they do lie around sleeping, twitching their legs while they dream.
“They are dogs with mighty appetites; they never have enough.” Isaiah 56:11. OK, Isaiah’s one-for-two.
"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not cast your pearls before swine.” Matthew 7:6. Dogs define “sacred” much differently than people. They have little use for holy grails, lost arks, and such. As for the pearls, what sort of moron would do that, anyway?
"It is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs." Matthew 15:26. Another good point, because children cry when you take things away from them, and besides, if the dogs are the children’s they should take some responsibility by feeding their own dogs and cleaning up the poop.
“Even the dogs came and licked his sores.” Luke 16:21. This comes from the parable about poor Lazarus, who sat begging by the city gate. The town dogs showed Lazarus the kindness to clean him up a bit. Dogs lick all people without discrimination.
Good dogs. Good, good dogs.
Louie@HMBReview.com likes dogs.
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